Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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