Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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