yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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