I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
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did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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