he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
