I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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