note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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