does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
