the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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