WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize