I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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