just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
