Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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