Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
someone owes me an orgasm
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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