just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
