The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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