Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
