also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
