After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize