why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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