dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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