Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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