DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
