so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
