if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
