On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
there is glitter all over my balls
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
