Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
