Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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