Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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