The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
