your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My pussy is not your playground.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My penis needs a shock collar
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
