yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
