so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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