Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
