The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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