Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
