What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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