i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
