bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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