im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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