I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
