She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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