if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
