Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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