There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
