My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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