Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
