i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i think i just lost a toe
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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