At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
