you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
