Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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