my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
