It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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