told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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