If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Screwed.edu
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
