There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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