so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
