Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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