i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
