Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
